Do Women Really Want To Know How You Feel?
By Christine Akiteng It’s your second date, you ask her “what do you like in a guy?” and she says “I like a guy who is in touch with his feelings and shares how he feels with me”. So you think “Great, I can do that”. Fast forward, four weeks later, she does something that really hurt you and you open up and tell her how you feel, but instead of bringing you closer, your openness only upsets her or drives her away. You are left thinking “I thought you said you liked a guy who shares how he feels” or “Why can’t I say how I feel?” From years of working with men and women wanting to learn how to be more emotionally open and honest, Ive found that often people who struggle with expressing their feelings also struggle with a sense of powerlessness, low self esteem, resentfulness (often caused by unhealed emotional wounds), and deep seated anger. When these people first start learning how to articulate their feelings, their saying how they feel comes across as a disguised attack rather than an effort to be more vulnerable and close. Instead of using the opportunity for assertion, they often become passive aggressive and/or defensive or employ what I call “manipulative guilt-tripping” (now you see what you’ve done!). They kind of try to get their jab in and then, like the little squid, disappear in a cloud of black ink. The problem is that instead of freeing them up, talking about their feelings actually pushes them further into isolation, distrust, self-protection and feeling powerless. Its the unconscious use of passive aggression and manipulative guilt-tripping to mask a hidden sense of powerlessness, low self esteem, resentfulness and deep seated anger that gets you into double trouble when you try to say how you feel. Chances are that you started out life with a powerful female controlling your behavior and naturally you were drawn to another woman who makes you feel like you are not in control. This reality of a lack of control draws you into power struggles with women. Unfortunately, passive aggression and manipulative guilt-tripping does not help you gain true power and control. Many men conclude that women dont really want to know what a man feels which enrages them and alienates them even more, and escalates their distrustful defensiveness. If you find that saying how you feel creates more problems than it solves, the solution is not to just give up or continue hitting and retreating into your powerlessness you come across as weak and cowardly and lose all respect. What you need to learn is to say what you need to say, without dumping gross amounts of hostility with it. Here are some practical suggestions to help you make changes if you would like to be more assertive and receive respect when you express how you feel.. 1. Own your feelings they are yours and you are entitled to them. For example “I don’t want to break up over this, but I’d like to talk it through and see if we can prevent it from happening again”. 2. Acknowledge that your message comes from your frame of reference and express feelings and opinions as your own without blaming the other person. For example “I feel angry and embarrassed when you make fun of me in front of your friends” rather than “You said/did… and now I feel…” 3. State your feelings in a positive manner such as “I agree with these aspects for these reasons, but I am disturbed about these aspects for these reasons.” 4. Avoid attacking the character or personality of the person or using words that ridicule, blame, shame or belittle. Your goal should be to express yourself in a way that clearly communicates your feelings, but in a way that the other person does not feel attacked or blamed and does not become defensive or attacks back. About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships. Christine’s websites: www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christine_Akiteng http://EzineArticles.com/?Do-Women-Really-Want-To-Know-How-You-Feel?&id=553684 order ambien cod how long does it take ambien to completely leave the system ambien prescriptions online ambien dosage lethal
